If you clicked on this looking for black airforce energy, you have come to the right wrong place. No more spicy hot takes for you. this is tailored to the frequency of the creative, mystic—so if you resonate, restack or buy me a candle.
Have you ever heard your stomach growling very loudly? Embarrassed that others could hear the groans and moans. What if I told you that this isn’t the first time it has spoke? Before it rumbles, it speaks softly. Hunger is never quiet. Starvation is even louder but emptiness is still, discreet and unintrusive. We don’t readily notice the emptiness. We ignore it—going on about our day until it turns into an insatiable longing. Until we are ravenous and destitute. Who taught us to ignore instead of listen? Who conditioned us to quietly accept the emptiness? To suppress the hunger. To violently quell the starvation. To escape…Then we yearn and violently long. Until we become a feral, ravenous and vexed vessel disconnected from the very thing that gives us life. There is no growth without the gut. Nothing happens until it’s fed.
1The etymology of the word gut, root word guttas is defined as “a channel” and it’s related to the root word gote “channel or stream.” The idea that the intestines are the seat of the emotions draws back to ancient times. That idea would influence expressions such as gut reaction, gut feeling or having guts being added into the American lexicon. It would become synonymous with having spirit or courage to forge a path. I think anyone who calls themselves a creative, a writer and an artist must have guts.
Yet, there is no guidebook on how to follow this gut feeling.
We don’t learn it in school.
It’s not taught in a college course.
Our family doesn’t nurture it in us.
We might go on with the emptiness, until it becomes unbearable. Until we begin to seek outside of ourselves to satiate the inanition. We begin to internalize the applause. We remember the look of awe, the smile, the hand over the heart as their eyes endure, the likes, the little dopamine rushes, the wows and the laughter after a joke. We notice the responses when we say something shocking. Now, we are chasing that feeling everyday, it becomes the only time we’re fed but it’s the equivalent of being fed junk food—an instant rush followed by a crash. At the core this is the very nature of the existential crashout. Extrinsic motivation has never been sustainable, not even by the least. The creative process must be sustained by something more—a inner burning fire, not by will, but a burning question.
Why? This is always the first question for the mystic. Why? because all the rules are made up and we know it. There is where our unawakened intellect and insatiable curiosity meet. Someone one day sat down and wrote the rules. We know the rules don’t apply to us. The only rules we should be following are our own gut instincts.
I’ve had a strained relationship with rules. I grew up in a religion that made rules for women. So, I rebelled against the rules, but rebellion was a young girl’s game. More than ever now we [collectively] need to be obedient to ourselves, to our own timeline. We have to be obedient to our own soul contract, that’s what matters. Throughout my life, I felt rushed. Who was rushing me? everyone, for as long as I could remember. My pace and timing have always been slower than what was considered normative, you could call me a late bloomer. I use to internalize it and give up. Now, I honor my timing. I know I’ll get there. I am learning to be comfortable with what I thought was seeing people pass me up. Comparison really is the thief of joy. I know I’ll get what I want even if it takes me longer. It’s on its way. I feel this pressure because we live in a fast world. Everyone wants it right now. Immediately. I like to let things savor, marinate. Everything doesn’t come to me at once. I’ll have an idea, but I need to sleep on it. I need to live a little then I need to eat and dance. It’s in those in-between moments when the words come to me; then suddenly I know what I’m creating or what I am writing about. I need the silence; I need the pause. I need to stop, so I can listen.
GUIDANCE FROM A GUT FEELING
“I’m thinking about what people need, not always what they want.”
Wordbuilding is not something we are taught as creatives. We are taught to build a brand. A brand is a promise. A world is a vow. Many worlds exist. Matter of a fact, Substack is a world. With Flora—Fauna, a backstory. Building a brand feels sells-y.
World building feels aligning.
If I had a world, it would be Dark R&B; electric guitar solos and heavy bass. A little alt-meets librarian. My world has always been dark; experimental, sensual appetite, lofty, echo-laden. There’s a phone ringing off of the hook; empty cubicles. It feels like everyone has been sent home for the day. Emptiness, edge of reality, deep cuts. Ruled by the moon, Ylang Ylang, coconut and tiare flower. Year 3005, naked dance, glitches, bridges and quiet crevices. Coffee grounds, fax machine, electric signals but stillness. Ambience, ephemeral, liminal, unfamiliar, estranging and enigmatic. When you are world building guidance comes from your gut—anything else will lead you where you don’t want to be. As an artist, I think it’s a perfectly acceptable to have tunnel vision. Artist need obsession and deep focus to create something no one has created before. Visionaries think about what people need, not what they want. When Kendrick Lamar proclaimed “I’m what the culture feeling”—he was speaking of a spiritual confirmation. What people want is water-down and easily digestible music but what they want will never satisfy them—something he knew. A world is what people want. It’s a landscape that feels enlightened and evocative; it takes the patron on a journey. We have been conditioned not to expect much from art or culture anymore—so we digest what’s easily consumable because it’s available. I do feel there has been a shift and it’s been more of a resistance against mediocracy than a rebellion against conformity.
I wish I could give you “5 Easy Steps To Understand Your Gut Feeling” but we all know there is no user manual for the vision that God placed on your heart. What I can tell you is how to quiet the noise because it’s something I’m actively practicing. The truth is that listening to your gut is no easy practice. We all know that our creativity and life force energy come from the seat of our sexuality but how well do you know the erotic process? How well do you know your own process? There are three parts of the erotic-gut process that must be understood; -philic, -phobic and adiaphora.
The philic is what we are drawn to.
There are things we love and we don’t have to question why. You look at a flower, you see it’s pretty colors and its quiet beauty—you say “I love it.” You don’t have to question that. It is your gut telling you that it’s aligning. We are often drawn to people and people are drawn to us. No need to overthink and examine why. Let it be. As a creative, you should be doing what you like. If you are doing something and it doesn’t make you happy, you should definitely stop. You might think I’m stating the obvious but in our content driven world it’s easy to do what we feel we should be doing instead of doing what truly lights us up. I think that’s the first thing. You gut will tell you like something but because it’s aligning to the frequency of that thing. I talked about this in my article on Acquired Taste. Philic is a suffix that means to have an affinity for, loving or tendency toward. Some people are cinephiles, technophile, logophile and the list goes on. There are things we are drawn to that make us who we are.
The phobic is what we are afraid of.
There are things we fear. Now, fear is learned. The good thing is that fear can be unlearned. But fear has a purpose. It’s not some irrational belief, it knows that there are things that can really harm us out there. You should always actively listen to your fear. Fear is usually immediate. It’s protective. It must be transmuted. In psychology, they call good fear/stress, eustress. This is the positive fear that I’m speaking of. Fear is an essential component in manifesting as well as following your gut feeling. Fear is estranging. It makes the familiar unfamiliar and it teaches us about otherness. If we never experience being afraid, we can never experience survival—we would never experience the strange. Fear is the purging process through which we learn to develop our alienation. When we recognize fear we realize how much it connects us to the other. In learning our own otherness we learn to connect with others. When I spent a year living alone and in isolation it taught me just how much the value of my own voice was and how it was connected to the collective voice—spending time alone made me better at connecting with people.
Adiaphora is what we are indifferent to.
Now, this is where the real magic happens. Adiaphora is a freedom. Let start with the definition of the word. In Cynicism, 2Adiaphora is a negation of diaphora which means difference. Therefore the word Adiaphora can be defined as indifference. In Greek philosophy, Eudaimonia, or human flourishing, depends on self-sufficiency (αὐτάρκεια, autarkeia), equanimity, and indifference to the vicissitudes of life (adiaphora ἁδιαφορία). Adiaphora is a fluidity. It’s a mutable practice that teaches you to be grounded in your gut. We are powerful when we are unmoved by the waves. When we are okay if it works out and okay if it doesn't. Yet, this is the hardest thing to practice because we are attached to the outcomes and applause. I’ve struggled the longest with needing external validation but one thing facing my fears taught me is that I could applaud myself. I made a declaration to myself that I would celebrate everything. That’s the message of Adiaphora. The things we are indifferent to. There is also another layer here. In Christianity, Adiaphora is related to thing that were not strictly prohibited or allowed in the Bible. It was a moral grey area. Now, I’m more spiritual than religious but I do feel that there are things we know are morally wrong and things that are morally right. Then there are things that aren’t strictly commanded or strictly forbidden. We have to rely on our gut feeling to direct us. The truth is, our gut may tell us to do something that seems absurd—it may defy logic. It may tell us to apply for a job that has no openings or submit our book proposal to a company that only accepts high-end clients. This is the gray era. The place of indifference. The oppurtunity to stay grounded in your gut even when the chance seems bleak.
THE SEED OF CREATIVE GENIUS
The chief enemy of creativity is good sense."
Your gut is a creative genius. Your first thought is actually right. We are taught so much to second-guess ourselves and our process that we end up snuffing out our creative spark. Creativity doesn’t need to be sensible or understandable. The concept of the mad or mentally ill genius is a common precursor to creative success. Creativity must transcend logic and pretense. No, this does not mean you get leeway to be an asshole—I’m looking at you Kanye West. It means that imagination, nonlinear thought and even psychosis can be apart of a creative journey. I’ve always been a science woman but more specifically the science that eludes reality. Superpowers, time machines, outer space, other realms, aliens and the like. I always thought what if? What if even one fabric of this realm changes? Madness presupposes the genius. We must break away from rigid boxes in order to step in the realm of creativity. There is another aspect to genius; it is slow and gradual. Have you ever heard “the day you plant the seed is not the day you eat the fruit.” Creativity is a seed and it must be nurtured and watered. Your purpose is to nurture your own creativity. Whether, it’s the things you are drawn to or the things you are afraid of or the things you are indifferent to. Which one you decide to nurture defines you. For a long time, I have been nurturing and watering my fear. So, it defined what I created. I felt estranged, alienated and oxymoronic. I don’t take that as a negative thing though now because it taught me one thing—difference.
I.
In Audre Lorde’s speech Difference and Survival she says “the house of your difference is the longing for your greatest power and your deepest vulnerability. It is an indelible part of your life’s arsenal. If you allow your difference, whatever it might be, to be defined for you by imposed externals, then it will be defined to your detriment, always, for that definition must [be] dictated by the need of your society, rather than by a merging between the needs of that society and the human needs of self. But as you acknowledge your difference and examine how you wish to use it and for what—the creative power of difference explored—then you can focus it toward a future which we must each commit ourselves to in some particular way if it is to come to pass at all.” She not only speaks of the liminal space but the lesson that fear teaches us—our difference. We are afraid because we are different but that is also our superpower. We are afraid to be rejected or ostracized because of our difference. It’s our difference that will be our greatest gift to the world. I’m in place where I’m nurturing and watering what I’m drawn to—warmth, refinement and depth. I’m moving from a place of being insular and self-referential to being deep and expansive. The seed of creative genius is birth in darkness and deep space. Darkness is sexy and glamourous. It’s in those liminal moments where we give birth to our greatest work.
II.
In 1958 the American Medical Association recognized Hypnosis as a legitimate medical treatment and it began being widely used within the psychological community. As creatives, not only do we enter a flow state—we enter a hypnotic state. Hypnosis allows us to bring our unconscious thoughts and processes into conscious reality. In the book Quantum Leap Thinking by James J. Mapes he says “A hypnotic state is not mysterious. You actually enter and exit this state of mind many times during an ordinary day. It may happen when you listen to music, watch television, read a book, drive to work, or simply drift into a daydream.” Usually something triggers a hypnotic state but you can also intentionally trigger a hypnotic state. Before I sit down to create I do candle meditations and enter a trance-like state or I use music to go into a hypnotic state. Music is a spell. My ancestors knew this and we know this now. It’s why you turn on music to get in the “mood.” The hypnotic state is where you should be getting your creative genius from. It is your source of deep imagination—it mirrors the realm of deep space. Like space we have no idea how deep it goes but we know there are things that can be extracted from it.
III.
Next, we explore the darkness, the erotic and the messiness. The act of sex is in its self the act of creativity. As I pondered on this I began crying and feelings of powerlessness began to arise. The truth is the creative process is uncomfortable. It’s painful. It’s deeply healing but in a way that feels more like a surgical incision or stitches. A lot of us, myself included find it very painful, if not scary. Imagine this, you are walking through your house in total darkness. During the day or when the lights are on you would be totally comfortable navigating. When everything is filled with complete darkness, all of a sudden we’re afraid—it’s foreign to us. We cannot see. We’re afraid that we may hit a wall or hurt ourselves. That’s an important fact about creativity and the erotic—is that we may not know what comes out of it. If we are afraid of our own shadow then we are afraid of our creativity. We also have to be less attached to “who we are [in this instance I’m speaking to identity].” Within the erotic, there are no attachments; it should feel as if you are swimming in a very deep ocean. Paradoxically, an ocean is actually where we begin without being crass about it—so this experience isn’t unfamiliar to us.
Now, let’s briefly review the erotic-gut process.
Our awareness
I. What we are drawn to
II. What we are afraid of
III. What we are indifferent to
Our arsenal
IV. Our difference
V. Our hypnotic state
VI. Our eroticism
Our strategy
VII. Seduction
VIII. Presentation
IX. Vision
We haven’t talked about seduction, which is a part of every artist’s strategy and vision, which is also integral to the gut process. I have a separate article coming that’ll go into seduction. We are all seductive but because we are human and have flaws we are all anti-seductive too. Following our gut should lead us to be more seductive and less anti-seductive. Seduction is about presentation but it’s not all about presentation. A lesson I learned from being in the beauty industry for over six years now. Beauty is not seduction. It’s only one piece—if it was every beautiful woman would be rich, successful and taken. Every ugly [very subjective] woman would be poor, unsuccessful and single. Not to go on a rant but our society has taken pretty privilege way too far; erasing the fundamental idea of seduction and what allows us to capture the people that are drawn to us. Because they will always be drawn us but they won’t always stay. The influence lies in the staying power.
What is your difference? What is the house of your difference?
AND
Is there inherently power in not knowing who you are? or does the true power lie in the elusiveness of who you are?
Talk to you in the next one,
—With Love, Deziré 🌹
https://www.etymonline.com/word/gut
Navia, Luis E. Classical Cynicism: A Critical Study. p. 140.
This is soooo beautiful and spacious, Deziré. I felt you turning off GPS, closing Outlook, and easing into navigating time and space by your own circadian rhythm and internal compass.
> It’s our difference that will be our greatest gift to the world.
Thanks for cultivating that gift, and sharing it with us.